“No More Tears” Book by Dr. Bill Hathaway
2nd edition, revised, expanded and updated
NO ONE CAN STEP INTO YOUR SHOES AND KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL
Your experience is uniquely yours. People may come by with precise formulas to help you through this. Just be kind and listen, but don’t heed every advice. They may mean well, but unless they walk in your shoes, they do not know.
There is no “one, two, three” steps that every person who has lost a spouse must experience. Your experience may be entirely different from someone else. The loss of a Mother or Dad, son or daughter, although an earth shattering experience, cannot compare with losing the dearest person you have ever known, your beloved wife or husband. Many of the suggestions and principles in this book may apply to those who have lost other family members, but this book is written by one who has experienced first-hand the “Home-going” of his wife.
Your grief may hold on for two or three years or longer. That is normal and expected. Don’t listen to those who may tell you that you have to get on with life. Friends may tell you that they understand, but unless they have walked in your shoes and experienced this deep valley of life, they cannot possibly understand.
Although your friends may sympathize with you, they cannot empathize with you. However, there is One who has suffered as no man has suffered. He has suffered a broken heart and a broken body for you. He not only is the Savior of Salvation, but He loves you and is able to comfort and encourage you as you go through this greatest of all ordeals…and it is truly an ordeal. But with the Great Shepherd by your side, you will be victorious.
“And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away” (1 Pet. 5:4)
“I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine”(John 10:14)
THE “WHY” QUESTION
Without a doubt the question of “Why?” is the most asked question concerning death. The Bible is full of “Why’s.” David asked, “Why standest thou afar off, O Lord? Why hidest thou thyself in times of trouble?” (Psa. 10:1). And again in Psa. 88:14, “Lord, why castest thou off my soul? Why hidest thou thy face from me?” I am not able to answer all the “why” questions, but let me give you a few thoughts from God’s Word.
1. God does all things for our good. The Bible says, “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding” (Prov. 3:5). I don’t understand a lot of things, but I trust God and I cling to Romans 8:28.
2. Everyone must die sometime, ready or not! “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” (Heb. 9:27). Everyone must die, but it seems we are never ready to deal with it.
3. Because of sin, people die. “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned” (Rom. 5:12). Remember however, in heaven there is no sin and therefore no more death. “…Death is swallowed up in victory” (1 Cor. 15:54).
4. God’s timing is always right. “My times are in thy hand…” (Psa. 31:15). God has everything under control and He is never in a hurry. The question of “why now?” will be forgotten when we are united in heaven.
5. Our present suffering and sorrows cannot be compared with heaven. “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Rom. 8:18).
CONCLUSION: Remember this, you have a Friend who is always with you and He will never leave you. “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Heb 13:5).
“And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me” (Psa 50:15).